Why was Selective Pairing created?
The challenges our children will face are daunting and unique. When faced with challenges our current paradigm is unable to contemplate, we must be willing to consider “unconventional” solutions. The methods of the last several decades are not improving the situation. It is our responsibility as parents to act in the best interest of our children and unborn progeny. (See how we help here.)
As the general rule for recorded history, people got married, they had kids, and the cycle continued. To be even more specific, capable people got married, created stable households, and had children to whom they imparted their values. This has been the cycle of existence for most of human history. This more-or-less happened naturally, without external direction or vision.
This is no longer the case. In modern life, there are many unique challenges being faced by people who wish to enter long-term relationships, get married, and have families. The causes are multifaceted and the subject of a different and deeper discussion, but the end results are the same:
- The number of people getting married is decreasing. [1]
- The average age people get married is increasing. [2]
- The number of children people are having is decreasing [3]
The current environment is stifling family growth, and you may have already begun to notice this. You may personally know more and more people who seem to be terminally single, or perpetually delaying children if they’re married. You may also know people who have been trying to get married and have a family, but it just hasn’t worked out in their favor. Regardless, the diagnosis remains the same: The environment has become very difficult to navigate to the point where many people are not able to successfully transfer from a single lifestyle to a married/family lifestyle before they can no longer realistically have kids. (A discussion for another time.)
It is important to have realistic expectations: Currently, there are no observable phenomenon or movements in society taking place that will improve this general climate. In reality, it appears these trends will only worsen within the next several decades. It may take generations before we see these trends reversed. The people who will pay this price the most will be are our children. They will make up a noticeably smaller subset of our population than ages past, and will be responsible for both rearing the next generation and caring for proportionally larger elder generations. Many individuals this century will have no children to care for them in old age—they will need to rely on the children of others. Our children will also inherit large social and capital debts their grandparents created, which they will be responsible for handling. (A discussion for another time.)
The likely future would smother anyone from being able to live a healthy life resembling the lives of our forbears. As parents, we want what’s best for our children, and we want them to enjoy and propagate the miracle of life and family. However, many of the youth and young parents of today are estranged from their parents and ancestors, embodying and passing on ideals their forebears would have found abhorrent. Some of this animosity is warranted, due to an inheritance of destruction. But those unable to tap into the wisdom of the past will not carry into the future. The multifaceted dysfunction present in the relationship ecosystem today will result in an otherwise natural occurrence being unavailable to our children.
Herein lies a possible solution. Historically, one’s parents played a significant role in spouse selection, sometimes even having more say than the individual to be married. This does not necessarily imply coercion, but at least meant significant influence was wielded, to a degree that would feel alien to us today. This method was practiced for thousands of years in nearly every society and was successful at maintaining populations above replacement rate and perpetuating bloodlines. Selective Pairing is a tool designed with that mindset in mind, reclaiming a multigenerational understanding of relationships and legacy. Our goal is to connect likeminded, forward thinking families together who are interested in perpetuating their family culture and values beyond their lifetimes, and in doing so benefit humanity as a whole.
[1] Curtin SC, Sutton PD. Marriage rates in the United States, 1900–2018. NCHS Health E-Stat. 2020. Retrieved March 19th, 2024 from https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/hestat/marriage_rate_2018/marriage_rate_2018.pdf
[2] U.S. Census Bureau, Decennial Censuses, 1890 to 1940, and Current Population
Survey, Annual Social and Economic Supplements, 1947 to 2023. Retrieved March 19th, 2024 from https://www.census.gov/content/dam/Census/library/visualizations/time-series/demo/families-and-households/ms-2.pdf
[3] World Bank, Fertility Rate, Total for the United States [SPDYNTFRTINUSA], Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis. Retrieved March 19th, 2024 from https://fred.stlouisfed.org/series/SPDYNTFRTINUSA